Illicit Dose Of Scars: A Dark Rockstar Romance (Love Sick #1) Read online

  My dad shifts back and forth on the couch, like he’s contemplating whether to mention something on his mind. He takes a swig of his water before just staring down at the bottle, playing with the cap.

  “Dad,” I say, breaking the awkward silence. “Are you okay? You seem nervous.” “I’m fine. I just wanted to tell you that I met someone,” he says, still fidgeting with the bottle cap.

  “Oh . . .”

  He looks up at me in anticipation. “And you’re okay with this?”

  I decide to be honest. “Well . . . that was fast. Mom passed away a few months ago. But I understand you wanting to move on and find love again.”

  “Thank you for understanding. We met at work, and she’s really a sweet woman. Her name is Pearl, and she’s a widow herself. Her husband died in a car accident about two years ago. She has one son, who’s twenty-three. His name is Sawyer.”

  “I’m happy you found someone. Really. It seems like you two have some things in common, which is good.”

  “Yes, we do. One day, you’ll have to meet. Maybe you and her son could become friends . . . maybe even more than friends?” he suggested

  “Dad, you know I’m dating Knox and we live together, right?” I say, reminding him. “I know, I know. I’m just saying if you two don’t work out for whatever reason . . .” He chuckles lightly.

  I knew deep down he despised Knox for taking me away from him. My dad blamed

  Knox, seeing my decision to stay here as me choosing my boyfriend over him. But what the hell? It’s a little late to feel salty about it. Now I’m under the impression the only reason he came to visit is to get me to go back with him—and date a guy who could potentially be my step-brother if you marries this woman. Fuck no.

  “Knox and I are okay, truthfully. I don’t plan on leaving him. So you can get whatever plot you are trying to devise out of your mind,” I say, kind of annoyed with him.

  “I’m sorry. I know I overstepped my boundaries with that one, but I was just—” He cuts himself off when I flash my eyes at him. “Okay, okay. I get it.”

  “Thank you. Now, are you hungry?” I ask, changing the subject. “I can make hamburgers and fries if you like.”

  “Getting all domesticated, I see.” he says jokingly. “That sounds good.”

  Who is this guy, and what has he done with my father? He sure has changed since he left. I don’t know if I like this version of him. He certainly wasn’t like this when my mom was still around. He was more reserved and modest in speech. It’s like whoever this woman my dad is dating is influencing him to be more bold and unfiltered. I don’t know what to make of it. But these sly remarks, especially trying to play matchmaker, is a definite no.

  I quickly whip up two hamburgers and put some fries in the air fryer. After the food’s done, I call my dad into the kitchen. We sit at the table and eat in silence. I think my dad is now realizing how dumb he sounded when he suggested I become “friends” with his girlfriend’s son.

  “I’m sorry,” he says, breaking the silence between us.

  I swallow the fry I’m chewing on. “It’s okay.”

  “No. It’s not. I shouldn’t have suggested what I did, knowing full well you have Knox,” he continues.

  “Yeah. You shouldn’t have, but I forgive you.”

  s

  The week flew by, uneventful. My dad and I spent it mostly catching up. I was grateful that he came to visit for company since Knox was away, but this visit was sort of strange. He basically has a new life where he’s living. It’s like I don’t matter to him as much anymore.

  Maybe I’m jumping to conclusions, but it seems like his new girlfriend and her son have taken top priority. They were the topic of conversation the whole week, even when I tried updating him on my life.

  I’m pulled back to the present when Knox texts me, saying he will be walking through the door any minute now. It’s been three weeks since I had sex. I am horny as fuck, so he’s going to get what’s coming to him once he enters our apartment. I’m purposely wearing my lacy boy shorts and polka dot top for the simple fact of wanting to turn him on.

  After a few minutes, I hear the door unlock. Knox steps into our apartment, looking like a snack ready to be devoured, and I come out to greet him.

  “Damn, girl. Someone’s ready to play!” he teases, looking me up and down.

  I coax him letting go of his suitcase and leaving it on the ground. Then I pull him toward me and crash into his mouth. Knox kisses me back, trailing his hands along my body. He picks me up and carries me to our bedroom before laying me on our bed.

  “It’s been three whole damn weeks. I’m going to fuck you into oblivion,” he whispers to me while he strips. He purposely takes his time undressing me. I stare at his dick, hungrily wanting him to do what he promised. But as soon as I’m stark naked, I sit up.

  Knox gives me a puzzled look. “What the hell?”

  “Can I taste you first?” I ask coyly.

  He has no objections, standing up for me. I kneel in front of him and begin sucking on his rock-hard shaft. I start off slowly to easy him into my rhythm, but I speed up after a while.

  “Shit,” Knox moans, playing with my curls. When he finally comes into my mouth, I swallow all the ooey goodness that is him.

  He smirks down at me. “Okay. My turn.”

  I lie down, Knox climbing on top of me. He kisses me wildly, and I kiss him back with that same passion. He finally slides into me, and it”s like all my pent-up frustration from the last three weeks disappears.

  After several hours of making up for lost time, we both collapse on the bed next to each other. Rapidly breathing, we stare at the ceiling, then look at each other and laugh.

  “What the hell was that, Journee? That was fucking amazing!” Knox says, trying to catch his breath.

  “Blame it on me being extra horny from the lack of sex these past three weeks,” I say, laughing.

  Knox shakes his head in disbelief. “Maybe I should deprive your ass even when I’m not away so you can be like this more often.”

  I give him a stern look. “You wouldn’t!”

  “Try me.”

  “Fuck you.”

  He laughs. “I’m only joking, Journee. Chill.”

  I quickly sit up, hyperventilating. For a brief moment, the “incident” flashes before my eyes . . . I have to calm down.

  “Are you okay? Babe?” He’s staring at me now.

  “I’m fine,” I lie.

  Even though I forgave him, Knox never really acknowledged what he did to me. Yes, he said he didn’t remember what happened, but he had to remember something. He couldn’t have been so fucked up that he couldn’t remember anything, right?

  “So my dad came to visit while you were away,” I tell him, diverting the conversation.

  “Oh? How did that go?” he asks.

  “It went okay. He met someone, and that was most of the conversation while he was here,” I say somberly.

  “I’m guessing you’re not happy about that.”

  “I thought I could accept it, but he totally wasn’t listening to me when I wanted to discuss what was going on in my life. It was like my life didn’t matter to him anymore.”

  “Journee, I hate to say it, but you weren’t actually happy that your dad moved. He just wanted to share his happiness with you so you would know he didn’t move out of spite. Just like you’re happy here, he’s happy with his new life.”

  “I guess. I’m just a little disappointed that his new girlfriend and her son are taking priority over me, his daughter,” I explain.

  My dad’s new life is bothering me. I thought I would be fine with it, but this is all happening too fast. My mom just passed away. Doesn’t her memory mean anything to him? Maybe his girlfriend reminds him of Mom and he reminds this lady of her husband. It’s going to take some getting used to, but I have no choice. Lost in my own thoughts, I decide to take a shower. After getting dressed I head into the kitchen to make breakfast, noticing Knox on
the phone as I leave the bedroom.

  “Journee,” Knox calls out, probably wondering where I ran off to.

  “I’m making breakfast for us,” I yell back.

  Knox enters the kitchen and grabs me by my waist. He starts kissing my neck. “Thanks, babe.”

  “Who was that you were talking to?” I ask curiously.

  “You remember Seth, our band manager? He wants us to shoot a music video. He thinks that will build up more hype for the band.”

  “That’s so awesome. It would definitely get the fans going. Visuals are everything.”

  “Seth wants to meet with us in an hour to go over the concept,” Knox explains.

  “Oh, all right. I’m almost finished with breakfast.”

  I’m just finishing up making the pancakes. Although I don’t cook every day, ever since I started learning how to cook, I’ve been making full legit meals for Knox.

  “It’s no rush, babe. I can be a little late.” He smiles and kisses my forehead before we sit down to ear. “Thanks again. I really appreciate you.”

  “You’re welcome. I figured you must be famished after that good fuck I gave you,” I smirked.

  “Damn right, I am!” Knox exclaims.

  We continue talking about what Seth has in mind for the music video concept—I’m so proud of Knox and his band—until he has to leave. He kisses me lightly on the lips before he heads out the door, while I pout.

  ten

  Knox

  The meeting with Seth lasted longer than we had all expected. Journee already texted me, asking where I was. There was so much to go over as far as logistics went. Dorian and Phoenix, the director and photographer, were also there. They, along with Seth, wanted to make sure everything was in place for the shoot.

  I walk into the apartment to find the TV on some random reality show and Journee asleep on the couch. I decide to let her get her sleep while I make dinner. It’s the least I can do after she made breakfast this morning. I go into the kitchen to see what we had that I could make for dinner. I want to make something simple and easy, nothing too complicated, but something we both are in the mood for. After rummaging through the cabinets, fridge, and freezer, I pull out some ground turkey, to make turkey meatloaf, and potatoes and broccoli for the sides.

  I’m not as skilled in the kitchen as Journee despite living on my own for a few years now. But I recently decided it wouldn’t be fair to Journee if I had her cook all the time. So I looked up a few recipes online and experimented with them. The first few times I cooked for Journee, it was touch and go for a minute. My ass had no clue what the hell I was doing, but I was grateful she wasn’t too critical of my skills—or lack of. But I’ve gotten a lot better, to be honest. Now Journee can stomach what I make.

  The smell of food drifts through the apartment, and I’m thankful it actually smells edible.

  “What smells so good up in here?” Journee says, walking into the kitchen.

  “I’m making turkey meatloaf, broccoli, and potatoes,” I say proudly.

  “Oh, shit. My man’s cooking,” she smirks. “You must want some extra bedroom brownie points.”

  “I’ll take anything I can get.”

  “Seriously. Thanks, babe.” Journee hugs me from behind.

  “Our meeting went well, by the way.”

  “That’s wonderful.”

  “Would you like to be in our music video?” I ask. “I would love you to. I don’t want any random girl to be hugging up on me.”

  “I wouldn’t feel too comfortable with you cozying up to some random chick either. Of course I’ll be in your music video. When are you guys aiming to shoot the video?”

  “In two weeks. Seth has to talk with the director to finalize the date and time of the shoot,” I explain.

  “Sounds fun.”

  “The concept is so cool. We FaceTimed with Dorian at the meeting, and he had this dopeass idea. He wants to combine our vintage concert footage with our recent shows. The parts that we would actually be filming for the shoot would be like a sneak peak of us practicing or getting ready for a gig. Remember Willow and Sarai? You guys’ll be in the video to support us,” I explain.

  Journee and I settle down to eat, though I secretly want her to be serious about those bedroom brownie points. I’m a guy. I can’t help if I need Journee like she’s the only girl I have left to fuck in the entire world. I’m consumed by her presence, and being inside her wards off every depressive and anxious thought drugs alone can’t fix.

  s

  We’re shooting the music video shoot at the Pavilion. Not only does the Pavilion have studio rooms, it also has a few open large rooms specifically for music videos. Seth reserved the space for two days. Journee and I arrive at the Pavilion around nine in the morning. Dorian, the director, and Seth are talking with Phoenix, who’s acting as our behind-the-scenes photographer. They’re probably going over the schedule and everything. Ezra, Willow, Reid, and Sarai are sitting down, eating the breakfast Dorian provided. Journee and I grab what we want before joining them.

  “You guys ready?” Dorian says after we’re basically done eating.

  “Let’s rock and roll,” Ezra says excitedly.

  Reid and I both go to our instruments, while Ezra stands in front of his microphone. We’re doing the “live performance” portion of the video. We perform a new song we’re working on. Journee, Willow, and Sarai stand to the side, cheering us on like the supportive girlfriends they are. Me, I’m playing for Journee and only Journee, and she knows it. She gives me purpose, puts meaning behind everything I do in the band. It’s not just about making it as a band or becoming famous. It’s now for her. I do this for her.

  Phoenix is moving around, taking photos as we jam out. He apparently took pictures of us while we were eating earlier too. Then again, he’s here to get all the action behind the scenes. After taking a few shots of us, he points his camera toward Journee, Willow, and Sarai. I can’t help but be a tad bit jealous of him as he’s snaps pictures of Journee.

  I can’t help but imagine them as a couple. I mean, he’s a photographer, and she’s a model.

  It would be like a match made in heaven. Wait. The hell? No, it wouldn’t. What the fuck am I on right now? If I ever lost Journee, I’d go batshit crazy. Especially to him . . . Oh, hell no. Calm down. I gotta calm down. I can feel anger sweeping over me. It’s hot all of a sudden, and I’m starting to sweat. Reid and Ezra glance my way.

  “Are you okay?” Reid mouths, still drumming.

  “I need a break,” I mouth back.

  “Dorian, can we take ten?” Ezra yells.

  Dorian calls for a break. I gently place my guitar on its stand. I rush to Journee, take her by the hand, and lead her into a side room. I can feel everyone’s eyes on us, so I shut the door and lock it behind us.

  “Do you love me?” I ask Journee frantically.

  Her eyes widen. “Why are you asking me this? Are you okay?”

  “I need to know you love me and will never leave me.”

  “I won’t. You know that.”

  “Prove it,” I demand. “We have ten minutes.”

  “How?”

  “Fuck me.”

  “What? Here? Now? You do realize there are people outside this door, and we are at your music video shoot, for God’s sakes,” she tries to reason.

  “I don’t give a shit. You will do as I say.”

  I push her against the wall and unbutton her jeans. I pull them down along with her panties, down to her feet. My jeans and boxers go next. Then I fuck her against the wall.

  There’s a knock on the door after a while, and I can hear Seth talking. “Knox, we have to finish up the shoot.”

  “Okay, yeah. Give us a couple more minutes,” I yell back at him.

  I casually get dressed like I didn’t just force myself on my girlfriend. Damn. I fucked up again, and this time, I wasn’t high or drunk. Journee looks at me with utter despair.

  “I just needed to know you loved me,” I wh
isper to her.

  Journee casts her eyes to the floor, a single tear rolling down her cheek. “I love you,” she says, but I know it’s out of desperation.

  s

  Journee

  I leave the room, feeling like shit. But what the fuck was I supposed to do? This is the band’s music video shoot. I wasn’t going to make a scene, and I certainly don’t want to embarrass Knox in front of everyone. So I’m going to bite my tongue and remain resolute, unwavering.

  When Knox and I reappear, Seth asks, “Are you guys okay?”

  “Yeah. Cool. Everything’s cool,” Knox says as he watches me sit with Willow and Sarai.

  Willow turns to me when I plop down next to her. “Hey, girl is everything okay?”

  “Yes. It’s fine.” I stare at Knox, who’s chatting it up with his bandmates.

  “You guys were in there for a bit,” Sarai says, concerned

  “We were just . . . talking.”

  Willow raises her eyebrow. “Talking?? Hmm . . . if you say so.”

  I shoot her a look and grit my teeth. “That’s what we were doing.”

  “Okay, okay. Sorry I even asked.”

  We watch the boys finish the video shoot without calling us over to make cameos. But I don’t mind. I don’t feel up to being in the video anyway, not after what just took place. While we sit, waiting for them to wrap it up, I look around the Pavilion, wondering what else the band’s practices consisted of. They aren’t shy about letting people know they smoke weed and drink alcohol during practices. But what other things go on during their rehearsals? Are the guys being faithful to us? Or are they fucking other girls behind our backs? I accidentally lock eyes with the photographer. He looks back at me with such intent, like he isn’t looking at me, but into my battered soul. I quickly look away. What the hell? Do I wear my pain? Can people tell?

  ”Let’s go to Drinks On Me,” Dorian suggests. The boys quickly agree.

  “Are you girls up for going?” Knox asks us.

  Willow and Sarai answer enthusiastically. I don’t say anything at first, so everyone’s staring at me, awaiting my answer like it really matters in the whole scheme of things. They would have went with or without me. I’m not even drinking age. What fun would I have, watching them all get wasted? But I don’t want to be the party pooper.